THIS VAL DAY, MAKE SURE TO ALSO TURN THE LOVE INWARDS- NATASHA EWA

I have a question for you.

As the day of flowers, pink, red, romantic text messages and lovely cards approaches us, would you be willing to ask yourself this: "after what my body has been through, what story am I telling it about my self worth?". Am I worthy of new love? Worthy of continued love? Worthy of someone's love or agape love?  If you’re reading this and happen to be living with cancer, or learning how to live after it. Or... you are just another human roaming alongside the rest of us, doing their best to make life work, I hope this read lands for you!

Since Self-Love Looks Different When You’ve Been Through Cancer...

You may often feel misunderstood. You may find yourself trying to force positivity or pretending everything is okay, when deep down there is so much uncertainty that plagues your mind. How can I love myself, when I don't even trust the body I live in??

....boy do I get it!!!
So... Here is what I try to do, and this is what I encourage.
First step? Acknowledge your resilience. Look in the mirror and say to you and the body that holds you, "you carried me through more than I even expected!" Then immediately after you say this, treat yourself to comfort. The reason it is key to choose comfort, to choose softness (especially in a world that can easily harden one's heart) is because it will remind you, that at the very least, in that very moment, as you stare into the mirror, you are not under threat. Furthermore, softness interrupts self punishment, which many of us will subconsciously do when we do not feel worthy of... love.

Remember, your body has shown up even on the hardest of days and...that part deserves recognition.

You have read to this point, but you tell yourself that "I Struggle to Find Anything I Love About Myself"...

If that question is your current inner voice, or lands in silence, you’re not alone.

Many of us, especially if you have been touched by cancer, will feel disconnected from ourselves at some point. Treatment can create distance from your body. Survival can bring grief alongside gratitude. And sometimes, self-love feels impossible when you’re tired, scared, or still processing what you’ve been through.

If you are having a difficult time standing in front of a mirror to stimulate love by acknowledging that resilience you carry. If you can’t find love right now, try starting with something smaller:

• Be neutral instead of judgy. You don’t have to love your body to stop attacking it.
• Set the search for "confidence" aside for a moment and simply treat your body nicely. Eating, resting, asking for help, wearing clothes that feel kind—these are acts of love, even if they don’t feel emotional.
• Curiosity over shame. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” try “What do I need right now?"

Sometimes the self-love journey is actually about rebuilding trust with the body that carries you after everything you’ve been through.

Lastly, Let Valentine's Day Be A Reminder...Not A Requirement

Self-love isn’t a destination you arrive at once and for all. It’s a practice. One that shifts depending on whether you’re in treatment, in recovery, recently ended a relationship or started on...or somewhere in between.

So, 

While I know you are WORTHY of love

I will end this by saying, it's okay to let the love be quiet, but also let the love you feel inward be patient, be kind and be flexible!

With Love,

Natasha Ewa

About the Author

Natasha Ewa, LCSW, LCSW-C, LICSW, is a licensed psychotherapist, clinical supervisor, and team trainer at I-Thrive Therapy and Wellness. She is also the voice behind @natashaaftercancer, where she shares reflections on life after a Stage II breast cancer diagnosis—exploring healing, identity shifts, motherhood, relationships, and the quiet work of rebuilding after survival. Through both her clinical work and personal storytelling, Natasha supports others navigating the emotional and social “after” of cancer, often speaking to the experience of outgrowing an old life and learning to live more honestly and gently in a new one.